if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
