I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
