I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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