May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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