Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
