drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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