I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
