got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
