went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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