Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
