On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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