If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize