Tell her she can't have a vagina
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
