i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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