fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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