I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
