did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
