Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
