My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
