I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
