I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
