I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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