A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
