i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
