i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
