As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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