I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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