I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
