Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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