watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
