I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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