Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
