I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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