I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
one might say we're banned from that church
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
