if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
