and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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