We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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