it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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