sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
