yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
