Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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