That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize