He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't turn off my feet"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
