I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize