I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
