im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
