so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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