My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
