you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
