i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
