Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
