I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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