do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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