love makes seman taste better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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