Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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