My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize