laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
