you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
