There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
