no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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