i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
