I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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