youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i will never coherently bang her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
