I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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