TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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