wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
