Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize