WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
