You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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