it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just invented taco cereal.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
