Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
