The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
