Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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